近离 Closer Apart

看着这位女士停留在地下走道中站了很久，身影孤凝，引起我把这一幕拍下来的冲动。觉了她垂头弯颈，想必是响应手机的呼招，为回复简讯而懊恼。

这景幕虽然只有她一人，但墙瓦中复制了另一个她。她低头，影子不扬眉；她起足，瓦中寡立即步随。It’s like having a best friend in the world wall!

影子，其实只是在反映着肉体的动作。但人与人相处的时候，往往只在意影子的作为，忽略了造影人的心机。。。越靠近影子，就越远离造影人的内心世界。The closer we get to the reflection, the further apart we are from the source.

Stranded in the City

A late afternoon presentation to a client wrapped up during the end-of-work-day rush hour and I found myself stranded in the heart of Singapore’s financial district. I waited for about 40 minutes but couldn’t get a cab back to my office.

Since I couldn’t get a taxi, I decided to diffuse and distract my misery with some snaps. This photo is the strapping UOB Plaza reflected on a building hobbitised by the former’s height.

Failing to out-queue the suits for a taxi, I decided to take the long walk to Clarke Quay MRT Station and prepared myself to slip into the sardine jacket that is our public transport since our population has burgeoned to the current 5.31 million from 4.59 million just under 5 years ago. And we are not stopping.

The recent White Paper projection of 6.9 million by 2030 has brought Singaporeans out on the streets to protest.

Singapore River was very muddy and brownish today but after applying a fliter from Instagram, it turned gold!

Having been a Singaporean for almost 4 decades, that was the first massive protest I can recall, crowding during last year’s hotly ‘contanted’ General Elections not counted.

What’s my stand on the government’s population ambition? When 69 ceases to be a position but a survival proposition, will we still be having fun?

Elgin Bridge. It’s one of the oldest bridges in Singapore believed to be present since 1819 as a foot bridge, the only bridge across Singapore River. Today, it is a vehicular bridge and makes for a rather beautiful retro photo in black-and-white. But of course, standing in the middle of the road to take a picture is foreplay with the Grim Reaper!

Personally, I feel the world is so borderless now. We are kind of a global tribe. If population growth is identified as the way to go for economic sustainability especially for natural resource-poor Singapore, my question is whether do we have the long-standing power to attract high-calibre foreign talents to take root here in competition with other nations who are also tapping the same pool to boost their demographic reliant GDP (as opposed to an economy supported by agriculture, export and industry)?

We are not the only country facing the woes of a low birth rate and rapidly greying population. According to a 2050 projection by the Taipei’s Department of Manpower with data drawn from a 2009 population survey by the United Nations, Singapore is amongst the top 5 fastest greying population (also making the list are United States, Japan, Hong Kong and Taipei). Competition for young mouths seems perched to heat up. Why will foreign talents want to come here? Will they stay? Xenophobia is definitely not going to make Singapore attractive. So is congested roads, packed public transport, and living so close we can smell each other’s laundry.

As the sunset begins to fade, street lamps along the Singapore River flickered to life.

Will Singapore end up as a country of massage parlours? They are everywhere now. Not that I’ve anything against legit businesses that knead and soothe our high-strung backs crushed by inflation and rising costs of living, but my concern is more of the make-up and credentials of foreigners being offered the Singaporean citizenship. I’m proud of my country and I just don’t wish to see our citizenship being lelong-lelonged just so we can meet a quota.

Anyhoo, I’m not a political analyst or population specialist. Not being able to get a cab, of which there could be many reasons not linked to our need for headcount, just ruffled my feathers since I had lots of work to complete. Singapore is facing another prosperity challenge, like it always had, and instead of protesting or asking questions, what solution/s can we as a people propose?

No wonder Yusof Ishak looks pensive on our dollars. He isn’t smiling. Who can when our nation’s growth, or any country for that matter, is dependent on foreign investment, trade and internal consumption. We have no natural resources  such as land, produce, petrol, precious metals or gems to sell, remember? Ours is a people economy. If Singaporeans are not delivering more Singaporeans because of high living costs, long working hours and no fire to stoke the libido (pornography is outlawed and sex remains a taboo subject), how can we turn Mr Ishak’s blank stare into a triumphant glare? What’s our Vendetta agenda beyond anger?

The colourful underpass linking Riverwalk to The Central Mall at Clarke Quay. I’d seen illegal graffiti with more soul than this.

Unknowingly, I’ve walked through a key part of our country’s history that started at the very mouth of this river where many of our ancestors first stepped foot on Singapura.

A vibration of the old, neo-colonial and modern footsteps of Singapore coursed through me. We have always been a population of immigrants. Our today is the light from yesterday, and tomorrow, is what we set aglow today.

Big Dreams Start From Small Goals

Took this photo along Balestier Road during my walk to work and the scene struck me about ‘vision’ and ‘dreams’. The sharp, foreground leaflets represented the clear and achieveable goals, the vision in our heads of what something should be; while the greater, blurred background of the tree’s foliage stood for the bigger dream of what something could be.

A dream is built through the near and immediate visions we have and actions we take. When the visions come together, what do we know, we’ve actually been living our dream all along!

Day 337 : Rest and Reflect

R & R may mean “Rest and Relax” but I think “Rest and Reflect” may be more appropriate. When I get the rare opportunity to just kick off my shoes and not have a worry in the world, I hear the questions of “What do you want to do with your life?”, “What are your goals and definition to happiness?”, and “What do you want to do next?” louder than when I’m not resting.

I have long been fascinated by the extreme bipolar state of the dragonfly for a long time. One moment it can be fluttering its wings frantically while jerking back and forth while in flight and the next, it can stay absolutely, perfectly still when resting on a blade of grass.

I admire the dragonfly for it’s ability to just stay still and unperturbed. Not like most flies who may stop, but remain anxious and jittery about its surrounding.

The photo reminded me to really take a break (暂停), but I thought it is so appropriate that I should follow the way of the dragonfly to 站蜓. ‘站‘ (meaning ‘stand’) is phonetically the same as ‘暂’(meaning ‘temporary’) and ‘蜓‘ (‘dragonfly’) shares the same pronounciation as ‘停’ (‘stop’).

So the photo caption is translated as ‘stand still as a dragonfly’, which share the same Mandarin pronounciation as ‘stop for a moment’.

I hope I can achieve the zen of the dragonfly.

Day 332 : The Evil of Being Good

First of all, what has the photo of a HDB flat against a cloudy sky got to do with the struggle of good and evil?

The flat represented evil as humans dwell in it. Why is human evil? Because the Bible with its original sin dogma and the reincarnation theory of Buddhism says we are indebted to sin and need redemption. And the sky represented salvation or enlightenment. The photo is an innuendo of good and evil for me.

I look up to the sky, which is often day and night, in a momentary lift for my spirit and I always imagine a secret paradise behind the blue and clouds. Of course I’d flown amongst the celestial cotton and know that no physical kingdom with pavements of gold or heavenly courts await.

But still I look up. If only to escape the infirmary of an existence laden with discourse and the question of “What am I doing here?”

Over time, I find the line between good and evil non-existing. I don’t know the ultimate truth or design of things, but in my encounters, to my limited knowledge, I find it necessary to be the devil, to not acede to what another wants, asks, or demands of me and do the opposite of what they hope for. For the good of them.

But the problem is that I don’t know if the heartless monster that I chose to be achieved the good outcome for the other. I feel bad doing what I did for what I hope would be for the other person’s own good. I’m not trying to make myself out to be a long-suffering hero here but to throw a spotlight on my thoughts and resulting actions as brought on by this photographic scene before me.

Is it white to be bad, or black to be good? There’s just too much grey area in-between…

Day 329 : I Love My Public Housing Estate

One of the things I’m very grateful for is the public housing estate I live in. I think the government has done a darn good job in planning and housing our nation. Even if I can afford a condominium or landed property, I would still choose to live in a HDB estate for the convenience and neighbourliness of hoi polloi Singaporeans.

This block of flats in the photo is about a 5 minutes walk from where I stay. It looked like part of a castle through the trees.

Day 321 : Date Me and Gate Me

Of late, I’ve encountered many who go for open relationships. That means they have a partner, but they are free to have sex with other people. Sometimes alone, sometimes together with the partner in a threesome or more. Sex blogger Alvin Tan is a case in point.

I am not here to condemn or condone such an evolution in love and relationship. Whatever works for them in private and no one gets hurt in the process, I would say do as you please but always use protection.

I am here pondering about the notion of an open relationship because of this scene I passed by on my way to work. The gate is open, but the lock is closed. In front of me is an analogy of an open relationship where 2 people are locked in a closed union, but the gate is open for people who knows what membership you are holding behind the door to come in. In other words, your type.

I am more old school. I believe love is love because we make sacrifices. Without sacrifice, love is unproveable and unquantifiable. When we don’t make sacrifices, to me, that love is always conditional. “I love you only if you allow me to satisfy my lust with other people.” Personally, if I allow that, I’m just looking at the person I’m with as a companion, a sort of familiar transaction. Not the love of my life.

Day 306 : 微力

眼睛那么小，却看到比它们大好几千倍的东西。有时候东西很小，眼睛却把它看得很庞大。事情的大小，都是视角在搞怪，全然思考不均的问题。

其实相片中的这片幼叶非常小，只有五角钱硬币那么大，很不起眼。弱阳在它背后透光，使得我的相机测光机能在拍它的相片时失常。于是我移了移角度，以这薄薄的小青扇遮住宇宙之王，缘了这张时照。

往往，我总觉得自己没什么大不了，力微不足，而这片小叶子提醒了我有时候要透过别人的角度看自己，可能察觉其实自己已为那个人遮掉刺眼的光灾。

Day 298 : Post-Holiday Syndrome

Back to work after a great week in Sydney. My friends’ hospitality left me thinking constantly about how to repay their kindness to put me up and show me around. I blame them for my reluctance to leave Sydney and my severe post-holiday syndrome.

This pic of the kitty SO nailed how I’m feeling about coming back to my old ways. Hmm… I must have major issues about my current state of life to dread this return?

Day 287 : Glimmer

To see really small lights, the environment has to be pitch black. To discover invisible strength, the situation has to be exceptionally dire. Light is the biggest thing in the universe… because that’s how we know there are stars out there.

Day 265 : 心蕊思慰

凡事放开了，心花也就开放。快乐不在于拥有的多，而是计较得少。放下欲望，揭开心结，不在意过去，不去多想未来，就活在这一时，这一刻。

我想，要真正开心，就要勇于对自己坦白，以真诚对待他人，不要允许别人的行为成为自己的负债。勉强是没有幸福的。倘若已经尽力了，时间也给充足了，就该检讨情况与自己，懂得是否还要继续或该放弃。

近期身子有点儿不好，想了想，很可能是我放不下的事情太多，导致 ‘内伤’。这片文章的一番话，就当为自己开解开解脑袋。

所谓花无百日红，白了的花，也要懂得欣赏。那眼前的一切都会变美了。

Day 251 : 尽在不言中

这个傍晚归巢时分，经过走了好几百遍的这一幕，总觉得两颗灯柱的距离相映蛮有意思。看着它们地隔孤立，却又因为目的相同，为赶走黑暗而存在，两者之间启生了一种无影的联系。

人与人相处，遇上了志同道合的，虽然各自过这自己的生活，但也心照不宣，无须再用言语来说一声，“嘿，朋友，你不再孤单了。”

Day 244 : Unhide

Came across this grasshopper on the way to work and got really close to snap this shot but it didn’t flinch at all. It’s so liberating when one gives up on hiding. However, that also make us easy targets. Am I strong enough to fight off foes who see through my camouflage and predate on my bare soul?

Day 240 : 盲忙鹿碌

No Idea = No Eye Deer = Blind Deer = 盲鹿 [máng lù]

欢游台湾 9 天后回到家，一大堆的事情等着我去做。近期总觉得生活毫无目标，不想坐别人驾驶的车辆在指定的道路上停停走走。。。有一股冲动好想抛开一切去流浪。

Day 225 : The Colours of Love

I own a white Jack Russell named Rainbow and a brown Miniature Pinscher christened Joy. Their personalities are as different as their coat colours. Rainbow is the equivalent of a canine dolphin who gets along with anybody and is fiercely loyal. On the other hand, Joy is more of a sour puss who is fiercely loyal to being a bitch.

But I love them both just the same because under Rainbow’s friendliness beguiles a disboedient streak while Joy’s aloofness is compensated by her tenderness, a side she rarely shows but when she does, she makes you feel like the most important person in the world.

Actually, I’ve learnt a lot about love from them. Through Joy, I’ve learnt to love imperfection. Other than her princessy ways, one of her eyes is cloudy from cataract, her breath stinks to hell no matter how much we brush her teeth, and she has a chronic skin condition that not only causes regular spotting on her body, but also made the vet very rich.

Her name is Joy to remind my family and I of the joy of God’s love and salvation.

Yet despite her unlovableness, every time she looks at me with her one good eye left, my heart melts and time stops. I cannot explain my affections for her. I guess that’s the power of love. It defies logic.

The other thing I learnt about love, I realised it through Rainbow. And that is that love is conditional. Herein lies an irony. Didn’t I just learn unconditional love with Joy? How then is it that love now comes with the caveat of “terms and conditions apply”?

Her name is Rainbow because all seven colours of the rainbow combine to give white light; and the rainbow is a symbol of God’s convenant of grace with Man.

Rainbow has what I would call the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. When at home, she is like a magnet that sticks to me all the time and always begging to be touched and caressed. But when I take her for walks, the docile angel turns into a winged devil who neither walked close nor heeded my calls to come to me. I can call after her till I’m Rod Stewart but that furball will just buak bodoh. She also constantly pick fights with other dogs.

Because Joy always “bullies” Rainbow at home, I sometimes call her a gangster. Little did I know, Rainbow is mafia.

It’s the reverse with Joy. She walks close and always respond to my call. It’s as if they switched souls, which led me to think that love is circumstantial. Bring a lover to a scary movie and that person will depend on you more; bring that person to an arena that is their element and you become a sideshow.

So how does the unconditional and circumstantial co-exist in the realm of love? In my reductionist view, unconditional comes when the person who loves us has limited or no choice and is acting out a repression in some way. And when a person has many choices and we are only one of them, his / her love would be circumstantial depending on who gets his /her attention at the moment and distraction is usually swift.

But the most important lesson I learnt from Joy and Rainbow is just let our true colours show, for the two dogs never mask their emotions and are always themselves, and hope that someone can love us for being white or brown, and all the shades in between!