Checking out of this Hostel

Hostellowres_1

#%*$ @!&..$$ #%-()#@-&*>?& #!!$#?% $@*)<%$#!?…

No, the above is not a transcript of Dr Mahathir’s political intelligence. They are also not censored curse words. They are my cyber-puke…

… from watching Quentin Tarantino’s new film, Hostel. I didn’t puke for it to be exaggerated poo poo because the movie was bad. I puked because this movie literally made my stomach sick. I didn’t really vomit, but I was very close to it. This movie is a twisted, painful, mother-f**king piece of gory cinema. Hostel made Saw a Tellytubby jerk-off porn. It is totally brutal.

I don’t remember a show that made me feel so uncomfortable and sick. My legs were actually quivering a little when I took a leak during the movie. Not that I really needed to pee, but I needed to escape from that intestine churning, bile inducing gore. I took my time at the toilet. I dreaded facing the big screen again. I even thought of leaving. I felt queasy and all light-headed. But I stayed on. I survived Hostel.

The story told of 2 Americans (Paxton and Josh) and an Icelander (Oli) backpacking through Europe. (A guy used a Beck and Decker handdrill to drill holes into the chest and thighs of Josh). As horny sex-hungry tourists, they were pointed to a hostel in an obscure Slovakian town stocked with beautiful, horny women. (A Japanese girl had her toe clipped off). The women were lures to drug the guys and had them sent to a torture-slaughter factory. (Paxton had 2 of his fingers hack-sawed off). That town actually runs a business called Elite Hunting, where people pay to torture and kill other people. (A bald guy had his head bashed in by stones). (Another Japanese woman had her right eyeball pulled out). (Same Japanese woman jumped into the track of an oncoming train; had her head severed, and blood splattering like a squashed orange). (Guy being cut open at the abdominals with all the insides on the outside). (Lots of hacked up body parts and smashed faces). (Old guy had his fingers cut off with a scalpel, got face dunked in toilet bowl with his own faeces and had his throat slit). (Lots of blood).

But come to think of it, Hostel will make a great date movie. However, do not watch this show with a full stomach, or when recovering from a hangover. Oh, and expect lots of titties of beautiful women. They’re cute. They’re nude. And they’re huge!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. agooddaytolive
    Apr 24, 2006 @ 00:55:37

    But I thought Saw 2 was better, hostel was a ho-hum walkover for me. You got to watch The Audition.

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Apr 24, 2006 @ 02:55:55

      Hostel is a piece of hokum… maybe I just have a very weak stomach. ha. i haven’t seen Saw 2 and is The Audition another man-butchering movie? I’ve done enough of those for the moment! haha…

      Reply

      • styloh
        May 01, 2006 @ 09:22:48

        Personal Ranking:
        1) Saw 1 (Plot)
        2) Saw 2 (Plot and twist)
        3) Hostel (Gore)
        Must watch Saw 2 for the plot, if you can stand more bloodand screaming.
        Just my 2 cents worth… Cheers!

  2. kerubin
    Apr 24, 2006 @ 13:51:18

    watch liao! quite gory…

    Reply

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