I’m in a monopengamous-relationship. Not.

Have you ever been to a singles party and the organizer tells you a monogamous relationship won’t work? Maybe that’s a more severe affliction of a lesser demographic where the sanctity of marriage is hard to come by? Infidelity is not an exclusive right in the coupling of testosterones. Of course the other 90% of the population has their fair share of polygamy and a marriage cert is by no means a talisman against lust and adulterous affairs. What’s different, in this case, is the view that in order for a closed relationship to work, it has to eventually open up. That, in order for two committed silver-haired to arrive at a golden sunset, they have to share the white cream of orgasm, sometimes together, sometimes apart, but with full knowledge, consent, and blessings from each other along the way.

‘Tis the irony of love… devoted to you, but can donate to many. And in my view, it is the love of ourselves and our desires more than loving our partner that proliferates the donation (read : sex) drive. Well, if the partners are of the same mind, then perhaps two selfish acts equal one magnanimous act of sharing… that of our bodies with many people? Is it any wonder AIDS and STD infections are on the rise? (This is not a condemnation of sex or to stake responsibilities on any particular group of people. It is just an observation of the correlation between increased infection rates and the promiscuity of mind. And that’s a no brainer. Yes, we can practice safe sex. But why are the numbers still rising despite double-digit growth in Durex’s stock?)

The argument is that if I have sex with other people and I’m honest about it with my partner, or the caveat is that both of us must partake together, then there’s nothing to hide, so we cum (pardon the pun) clean to each other. It’s a symbol of the strength of our love. Well, the effigy of honesty is carved out of what suits you best. I’m not trying to be a moral bigot nor is it my right to judge. If two (or three) people can find love and fulfillment in whatever union matrix they prefer, then I would say Go For It!

What I am contesting is the assertion that an open relationship is the future of monogamy. It’s like saying, “Polygamy is sooooo yesterday. I’m in a monopengamous-relationship, where my heart is closed for only one, but my penis (vagina / anus) is open to you, you, maybe not you, definitely you, and you!”

We get bored eating the same thing every day. Can you imagine having chicken rice all the time for three years? Hmm… how about having some wild mushrooms once in a while? Yeah… just that the mushroom can turn out to be a toadstool. Here’s an idea… how about not being just a chicken rice stall, but turn the relationship into a buffet restaurant? Well, the stall is beyond repair and remodeling takes too much effort. It is easier to just have wanton noodles next to the chicken rice stall. Or that nasi lemak stall opposite. Or I can have chicken rice with dumplings soup. Heck, I’ll have ‘em all!

I attended a singles party recently and one of the unique features of it was that guests can send notes to the one/s they fancy among the crowd. I thought it was ingenious and you can imagine how flattered I was when I received a note. I opened it immediately and it read, “I think u are absolutely (?) but though ur ideals is difficult to find.” Well, I think a word is missing after ‘absolutely’, and I attribute that to the half-drunken state in which the note was probably written. The note was from one of the party’s organizers. And I could see that it’s all well-meaning.

Before everyone’s breath could start a fire, the organizer, W, engaged me in a brief chat. He asked me what I am looking for in a partner and relationship. “Monogamy,” was my reply. He had this look of bewilderment which I thought was probably because he expected me to start with the physical attributes of my ideal mate, so I explained, “I want someone who believes in a monogamous relationship. Not someone who will entertain a threesome or foursome or whatever, or will remain physically faithful and monogamous for maybe a couple of years, or say, six months, and then requests to have an open relationship.”

W replied, “That’s an ideal. Don’t be so uptight. You really think closed relationship can last?” (read : face the reality. Wake up from your fairytale happily-ever-after ending.) Well, fact is, I do. “If I expect that my relationship will eventually open up, just by entertaining that thought, then there’s a possibility that it will. If we want the best, had gotten the best, and expect nothing but the best, very often, we get it. If you allow the thought of an open relationship with your partner, well, you will get it. If you can compromise and accommodate such an arrangement and is happy with it, so be it. Your compromise will bring in what your compromise can settle for.” (I had wanted to jokingly add that it is because of people like him, with this mentality, that I’m still single. Well, I guess the joke’s really on me because the fact is, I am still single, and have been for more than 3 years.)

My choice of an ideal mate is definitely not just someone who I can share geriatric prescription with later in life. There will be all those configurations that will unlock the heart and free the horny goat with it. All I’m saying is to accept the way I love as I know how to. And don’t tell me it’s hard to find because you hadn’t found or simply because you weren’t looking. Maybe my door will open with a simple tap of an electronic card in the future, but for now, I’m keeping my 20-digit combination lock… till death do us apart.

Advertisements

49 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. disjecta
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 15:37:27

    Hmm
    I don’t believe that the open relationship will replace monogamy. However, our attitudes towards either are shaped by life experiences as well as beliefs and value systems. Thus, it is a sort of thing that will result in an endless debate.
    For me, open and ‘monopengamous(?)’ relationships simply mean that love was never in the equation to begin with. Sounds harsh, but these are my experiences with people I know. I have heard otherwise but was never convinced.
    Perhaps the ‘drive to spread our seed’ is too strong now, made worse by our modern self-centered mindset?
    But love, as they say, conquers all. Deep down, everyone wants monogamy. Everyone. For fear, the fear of growing old and dying alone, loveless and solitary, resides in all of us.
    About the singles party.. I don’t know. I wasn’t really into it.. everyone else seemed so enthusiastic while I sat in the corner and ..err basically sulked. Haha. Oopss…
    I loved the line about ‘geriatric prescription’. It made me laugh!

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 17:00:42

      yeah… it’s an open-ended topic and what i stated is just a matter of opinion. i don’t seek to be challenged or to be agreed with. just a mental snapshot at the moment regarding the kind of relationship i want.
      we all have socio-emotional, psycho-transcedental factors that make us who we are and what we seek. so long as someone doesn’t insist on persisting one’s view on me, i’m fine with discussing different views as coffeeshop talk. a sharing of horizons and not deciding for me that the world is flat. haha…
      as for the singles party, well, how much fun you get out of it is proportionate to how much fun you put into it :o) and alcohol usually helps take the lid off. aww… didn’t know you were sulking… it is my fault that i didn’t get enough alcohol in you to lift the spirits :o) heh heh…

      Reply

      • disjecta
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 05:34:22

        hehe
        not too much alcohol for me! And that second drink was super strong lor!
        I cannot drink too much! I’m a cheap date!

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:21:17

        haha… i’m also a cheap date coz i’m on a liquid diet… no need to feed me dinner, just the drinks will do. heh heh…
        u should drink more… maybe then when u start dissecting ur psyche like u did at the party, u won’t sulk but love what u discover! hahaha…

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:21:17

        haha… i’m also a cheap date coz i’m on a liquid diet… no need to feed me dinner, just the drinks will do. heh heh…
        u should drink more… maybe then when u start dissecting ur psyche like u did at the party, u won’t sulk but love what u discover! hahaha…

      • disjecta
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 05:34:22

        hehe
        not too much alcohol for me! And that second drink was super strong lor!
        I cannot drink too much! I’m a cheap date!

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 17:00:42

      yeah… it’s an open-ended topic and what i stated is just a matter of opinion. i don’t seek to be challenged or to be agreed with. just a mental snapshot at the moment regarding the kind of relationship i want.
      we all have socio-emotional, psycho-transcedental factors that make us who we are and what we seek. so long as someone doesn’t insist on persisting one’s view on me, i’m fine with discussing different views as coffeeshop talk. a sharing of horizons and not deciding for me that the world is flat. haha…
      as for the singles party, well, how much fun you get out of it is proportionate to how much fun you put into it :o) and alcohol usually helps take the lid off. aww… didn’t know you were sulking… it is my fault that i didn’t get enough alcohol in you to lift the spirits :o) heh heh…

      Reply

  2. disjecta
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 15:37:27

    Hmm
    I don’t believe that the open relationship will replace monogamy. However, our attitudes towards either are shaped by life experiences as well as beliefs and value systems. Thus, it is a sort of thing that will result in an endless debate.
    For me, open and ‘monopengamous(?)’ relationships simply mean that love was never in the equation to begin with. Sounds harsh, but these are my experiences with people I know. I have heard otherwise but was never convinced.
    Perhaps the ‘drive to spread our seed’ is too strong now, made worse by our modern self-centered mindset?
    But love, as they say, conquers all. Deep down, everyone wants monogamy. Everyone. For fear, the fear of growing old and dying alone, loveless and solitary, resides in all of us.
    About the singles party.. I don’t know. I wasn’t really into it.. everyone else seemed so enthusiastic while I sat in the corner and ..err basically sulked. Haha. Oopss…
    I loved the line about ‘geriatric prescription’. It made me laugh!

    Reply

  3. t_yervor
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 18:00:22

    “If you can compromise and accommodate such an arrangement and is happy with it, so be it. Your compromise will bring in what your compromise can settle for.” (I had wanted to jokingly add that it is because of people like him, with this mentality, that I’m still single. Well, I guess the joke’s really on me because the fact is, I am still single, and have been for more than 3 years.)”
    same here.
    only difference is i don’t get to be invited to singles party. sounds fun.

    Reply

  4. t_yervor
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 18:00:22

    “If you can compromise and accommodate such an arrangement and is happy with it, so be it. Your compromise will bring in what your compromise can settle for.” (I had wanted to jokingly add that it is because of people like him, with this mentality, that I’m still single. Well, I guess the joke’s really on me because the fact is, I am still single, and have been for more than 3 years.)”
    same here.
    only difference is i don’t get to be invited to singles party. sounds fun.

    Reply

  5. heliosrealm
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 18:05:15

    never been to one. During my time no such thing as single party. haha only have clubbing lar.
    how have you been ?:) havent seen you for nearly year yah

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:50:11

      hello… don’t talk as if u r of a different era! haha… ur time hasn’t pass yet. singles party is for singles mah… and u’re not. so of course no such a thing for u la! heh heh…
      me have been good… still can talk crap here must be still up and about lor… hope all’s well with u too :o)

      Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:50:11

      hello… don’t talk as if u r of a different era! haha… ur time hasn’t pass yet. singles party is for singles mah… and u’re not. so of course no such a thing for u la! heh heh…
      me have been good… still can talk crap here must be still up and about lor… hope all’s well with u too :o)

      Reply

  6. heliosrealm
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 18:05:15

    never been to one. During my time no such thing as single party. haha only have clubbing lar.
    how have you been ?:) havent seen you for nearly year yah

    Reply

  7. shayan
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:18:01

    don’t ever sell yourself or your ideals short. there’s a reason too why i’ve been single for more than 3 years too.

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:54:03

      yeah… certain things should not be compromised… just hoping that by not selling myself short, i won’t have to countdown to my expiry date either :o)

      Reply

      • t_yervor
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 03:39:44

        my expiry date is 6 mths down the road.
        crap.

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:17:24

        i know a good doctor u can go to to extend your shelf life… hahaha… well, everyone has his market… most people like fresh crispy crops, but some like pickles or fermented beancurd too… well, just think of urself as wine :o) no expiry and you just keep getting better with age :o)

      • t_yervor
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:36:13

        “well, just think of urself as wine :o) no expiry and you just keep getting better with age :o)”
        can anyone in this world be more positive than u?
        geez!

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 18:05:28

        hmm… choosing to be vinegar is just as well… heh heh… whichever way u choose, optimist or pessimist, the world goes go… with or without u :o)

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 18:05:28

        hmm… choosing to be vinegar is just as well… heh heh… whichever way u choose, optimist or pessimist, the world goes go… with or without u :o)

      • t_yervor
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:36:13

        “well, just think of urself as wine :o) no expiry and you just keep getting better with age :o)”
        can anyone in this world be more positive than u?
        geez!

      • celebratelah
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:17:24

        i know a good doctor u can go to to extend your shelf life… hahaha… well, everyone has his market… most people like fresh crispy crops, but some like pickles or fermented beancurd too… well, just think of urself as wine :o) no expiry and you just keep getting better with age :o)

      • t_yervor
        Feb 02, 2008 @ 03:39:44

        my expiry date is 6 mths down the road.
        crap.

    • celebratelah
      Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:54:03

      yeah… certain things should not be compromised… just hoping that by not selling myself short, i won’t have to countdown to my expiry date either :o)

      Reply

  8. shayan
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 19:18:01

    don’t ever sell yourself or your ideals short. there’s a reason too why i’ve been single for more than 3 years too.

    Reply

  9. getridofme
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 20:34:46

    hmmmmmmmm

    Reply

  10. getridofme
    Feb 01, 2008 @ 20:34:46

    hmmmmmmmm

    Reply

  11. faithpig
    Feb 02, 2008 @ 05:38:26

    As long as you are happy, you should not be affected by what others think.
    I am a supporter for monogamy as well.
    The only problem that everyone gets influenced too easily and that makes me really sad..
    We are humans, not zombies.

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:14:49

      i totally agree… we have our own set of principles and know that no one view is the absolute correct view :o) some humans prefer to live like zombies… and in certain circumstances, being a zombie ain’t that bad :o) haha…

      Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 02, 2008 @ 17:14:49

      i totally agree… we have our own set of principles and know that no one view is the absolute correct view :o) some humans prefer to live like zombies… and in certain circumstances, being a zombie ain’t that bad :o) haha…

      Reply

  12. faithpig
    Feb 02, 2008 @ 05:38:26

    As long as you are happy, you should not be affected by what others think.
    I am a supporter for monogamy as well.
    The only problem that everyone gets influenced too easily and that makes me really sad..
    We are humans, not zombies.

    Reply

  13. needfaith71
    Feb 04, 2008 @ 04:27:21

    Believing in Marriage
    I belong to the marriage-embracing minority in this New Age world that is increasingly hassle-aversive. And yes, I’m happily married, and this does not imply my wife and I are wilfully ensconced in a bed of roses. We are “happily” married because we choose to embrace the challenges that come with EVERY marriage, and most of all, we believe in the sanctity of marriage (even if over centuries we wilful beings have done all kinds of damage to IT.)
    To all singles out there, it’s true that marriage does come with tonnes of responsibilities, some of which we would rather do without. When those which we would rather do without OUTWEIGH those which we are happy to embrace, people choose singlehood. In my case, it’s the other way round. And my wife and I are willing to work towards keeping it that way. In the name of genuine love: Sacrifice + Affection + Responsibility + Sexual Fulfilment (SARS…how’s that for love’s acronym…hehe)

    Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 04, 2008 @ 16:14:17

      Re: Believing in Marriage
      thanks for saying what monogamy (or marriage) is… it is a responsibility towards someone else and not just ourselves. u and ur wife are blessed to have each other :o)
      may you have many wonderful times overcoming the challenges in life together :o)

      Reply

    • celebratelah
      Feb 04, 2008 @ 16:14:17

      Re: Believing in Marriage
      thanks for saying what monogamy (or marriage) is… it is a responsibility towards someone else and not just ourselves. u and ur wife are blessed to have each other :o)
      may you have many wonderful times overcoming the challenges in life together :o)

      Reply

    • cgnotcb
      Feb 04, 2008 @ 16:30:30

      Re: Believing in Marriage
      To me once a commitment is form. All the above must be in place. Finding one who believes in love, as in monogamy love is indeed hard, very hard I would say.
      Work hard to stay together.
      Find someone who is willing to work as hard.
      I’m convinced by him to accept love.
      This way I will stay, use every effort to stay.
      As this is wat we want, to love each other, not to hurt each other.
      A relationship build on trust, not calculating, not outdoing each other but instead takes each arguement as a chance to grow and compromise.
      I believe man likes to outdo each other, which eventually creates the term Open relationship. Which they can continue to outdo each other feats. A vicious cycle, will this really last?

      Reply

      • celebratelah
        Feb 08, 2008 @ 04:40:13

        Re: Believing in Marriage
        hmm… u got a point. i never see sex as a means of conquest for partners to outdo each other. but yeah, but i guess that’s when the relationship is already open and it becomes a contest who sleeps with more or cuter. haha…
        very hard as it may be to find, the heart still searches coz that’s all it knows what to do… :o)
        have a great rat year ahead and may mickey find urself a ricky! :o)

      • celebratelah
        Feb 08, 2008 @ 04:40:13

        Re: Believing in Marriage
        hmm… u got a point. i never see sex as a means of conquest for partners to outdo each other. but yeah, but i guess that’s when the relationship is already open and it becomes a contest who sleeps with more or cuter. haha…
        very hard as it may be to find, the heart still searches coz that’s all it knows what to do… :o)
        have a great rat year ahead and may mickey find urself a ricky! :o)

    • cgnotcb
      Feb 04, 2008 @ 16:30:30

      Re: Believing in Marriage
      To me once a commitment is form. All the above must be in place. Finding one who believes in love, as in monogamy love is indeed hard, very hard I would say.
      Work hard to stay together.
      Find someone who is willing to work as hard.
      I’m convinced by him to accept love.
      This way I will stay, use every effort to stay.
      As this is wat we want, to love each other, not to hurt each other.
      A relationship build on trust, not calculating, not outdoing each other but instead takes each arguement as a chance to grow and compromise.
      I believe man likes to outdo each other, which eventually creates the term Open relationship. Which they can continue to outdo each other feats. A vicious cycle, will this really last?

      Reply

  14. needfaith71
    Feb 04, 2008 @ 04:27:21

    Believing in Marriage
    I belong to the marriage-embracing minority in this New Age world that is increasingly hassle-aversive. And yes, I’m happily married, and this does not imply my wife and I are wilfully ensconced in a bed of roses. We are “happily” married because we choose to embrace the challenges that come with EVERY marriage, and most of all, we believe in the sanctity of marriage (even if over centuries we wilful beings have done all kinds of damage to IT.)
    To all singles out there, it’s true that marriage does come with tonnes of responsibilities, some of which we would rather do without. When those which we would rather do without OUTWEIGH those which we are happy to embrace, people choose singlehood. In my case, it’s the other way round. And my wife and I are willing to work towards keeping it that way. In the name of genuine love: Sacrifice + Affection + Responsibility + Sexual Fulfilment (SARS…how’s that for love’s acronym…hehe)

    Reply

  15. wordsofweetzdom
    Feb 05, 2008 @ 21:19:30

    so well written!
    hey, happy new year in advance… wish you …red luck on the head! 🙂

    Reply

  16. wordsofweetzdom
    Feb 05, 2008 @ 21:19:30

    so well written!
    hey, happy new year in advance… wish you …red luck on the head! 🙂

    Reply

  17. spunktitud3
    Oct 08, 2012 @ 01:39:04

    I don’t give a hoot if anyone thinks I’m a prude or frigid, but I can only do monogamy. I can have lots and lots of clothes, but only one partner (who hopefully buys me clothes too heehee)! Even if cobwebs are growing down under, I don’t think I am having a warehouse sale anytime soon, so I applaud your stance! A very entertaining way of treating this topic. And your response to what you are looking for in a partner was really touching; I would have melted. For a moment. 😉

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: