One Expresso…

And a lifetime’s hidden pain came pouring out. Is it a chronic case of verbal diahorrea? Possibly a subjection to so much sh*t, one just has to defecate somewhere, anywhere. And then later regretting the lack of moral sanitation, posing a problem to the cleaner of that irresponsible act. Diahorrea is a good way to rid the body of toxins and infections. I’ve encountered quite a bit of anal vomit lately. I pray that that body will work with the enemy soon to fight an even greater nemesis.

Why do we tell deep, dark secrets even though we know we shouldn’t? Is it an S.O.S. call? For empathy? Pity? A bargain for care and concern in a parallel for love? The fear of appearing weak is the biggest hindrance to true self-realization.

But at what cost? What do we gain? Must there be a result? No. But there is an outcome. At the risk of being judged, we get the release from our problems and carry on. Until the pressure cooks up again and we need another ‘victim’. Blessed are those who have the same shoulder each time. But never should catastrophe be a beggar for sympathy. And woe be to those who use it as a pawn to feel special.

Perhaps the java juice echoed the rancorous taste of life. The bitterness is fragrant. It brought out so much more flavor of being alive. Where pride dissolved into blackness, leaving a layer of crème that beguiles the dark liquid below. A sweetness to be savored by an accustomed tongue, an aroma that is multi-layered. I’ve found my perfect companion. A state of euphoria… delirium… brewed from going through a helplessness of fate. But at the end, I still go back for more. It invigorates me. I can feel my heart beat. I am enriched by the feeling of being loved and to love. And I am thankful for the ‘toilets’ who took my sh*t, flushed, and are ready to swallow my dark load again.

I, too, want to be an Expresso. To not overshadow with my dankness, but to be a light that says, “Hey, you think you’re going through hell? I can understand the feeling. You are not alone. Let me shine the way ahead. Let me walk with you.”


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