S-Files – Profile of a Single in Singapore

All lined up in a single file waiting to be picked off the market unless one is married to God, work, or pet dog. Some, like Tiger Woods & possibly many guys out there, are married to sex & porn.

‘S’ is for Single. Three years ago, I posted an entry about open relationships. Titled “I’m in a monopengamous-relationship. Not.”, it reflected my thoughts about singlehood, monogamy, and the seemingly increasing trend of 2 + 1 or 2, or 3. Couples are more adventurous nowadays.

That post was sparked by a remark made by the organiser of a singles party which I was invited to. Three years later and umpteenth singles parties in between, I attended yet another one recently organised by that same organiser. This time I wasn’t invited by him (maybe he has given up) but by the host of the party and the theme was traffic lights… RED if you’re married or attached; YELLOW if you’re undecided; and GREEN if you’re single.

It turned out to be more of a get-together rather than singles party. The organiser was in red. I’m still green. Did I mention that this is my second time at a party with this theme? LTA should install a red light for me soon. I’m almost always the colour of ‘Go’, hardly caught in the amber of indecision and rarely asked to stop. I was happily red for a while 2 years ago but I was forced to turn green. It’s an irony that the length of time I took to get over that person was longer than the 10 months we were together. I’m not even sure if I no longer have feelings for that person. I don’t go into relationships easily and when I do, I’m in it with the intention to pick out our burial plot.

But it seems, “till death do us apart” kills a romance faster than infidelity these days. Now, this opinion was formed as a result of discussing at length about relationships with someone who also attended the traffic light gathering. Again, this person resonated what the organiser said to me earlier… monogamy is an urban myth. Guys are governed by animal instinct. When the opportunity presents itself, guys would choose bedroom pow-wow over sacred vows. I wonder if this ‘animal instinct’ afflicts only the good-looking ones? And the unattractives would stake out to the end.

I have problems coming to terms with the animal instinct theory. Yes, we are governed by hormones, pheromones and need for sex, but I don’t agree we are animals because we have intelligible thought. We know choice. We make decisions and don’t just let physiological chemistry pilot our actions. It’s a decision how much control we allow our hormones to take over. If we’re talking about teenagers who are inexperienced at controlling these urges, there could still be a case. But at a certain age, surely one is more human and less animal? I would be termed idealistic by some for this inclination. But we won’t have progress without ideals. Ideals are when animals evolve to become humans. Heh.

Anyway, I’m not here to glorify abstienence or condemn promiscuity. Whatever that makes us happy without victims along the way, then pursue it. But I guess we have to be careful not to fall victim to our own actions. I’m more traditional. I believe that the sacrifice of not sleeping around when one has a partner, or single will build depth in the relationship or future partnership. It’s not how much we can give the other person, but how much we are willing to give up.

But I’m single, why shouldn’t I be fire-trucking around town? How would being a nun/monk when single lead to a better relationship with a future partner? For one, you don’t wanna increase your chances of catching a fire that will incinerate both your groins when you’re with the one. STDs burn. And secondly, I have this theory that if you’re used to buffets, it’s hard to tahan (tolerate) eating the same dish all day, everyday. So better not open up that appetite.

There are many relationship gurus around, but hardly any experts at the art of being single. Especially in Singapore. The government doesn’t want us to be single. It wants that ‘lad’ in every ‘lady’ and the ‘man’ from every ‘woman’. I prefer to have someone to celebrate life with too, but alas, I’ve come to ask myself this question… “What’s my problem?”

I haven’t figured that out. What I know is that I have a ring, but no one to put it on.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scot
    Mar 09, 2011 @ 03:05:38

    “Animal instinct” is just an excuse, kinda like certain groups blaming their “hot blood” for making them stray. It’s all about character, unfortunately there is so much media making it look OK to cheat on your partner, your taxes, life! It’s not. Whether you believe in Karma or “turning the other cheek,” character is really all someone has in the end, and it’s all you can count on when assessing your friends.

    Reply

    • Darren Ng
      Mar 12, 2011 @ 04:57:48

      well, there are no lack of things to blame so long as we don’t want to take responsibility. but i refrain from assessing my friends based purely on their views about relationships because i think there are many aspects to a character. one plus doesn’t make that person a saint, neither does a shortcoming condemns that person to hell. hahahaha… i guess so long as they’re pleasant and behave kindly towards me, that’s good enough! i’m not here to judge or decide what’s right or wrong coz it’s their life :o)

      Reply

  2. jassy
    Mar 09, 2011 @ 08:18:43

    “I believe that the sacrifice of not sleeping around when one has a partner, or single will build depth in the relationship or future partnership. It’s not how much we can give the other person, but how much we are willing to give up.”

    “For one, you don’t wanna increase your chances of catching a fire that will incinerate both your groins when you’re with the one. STDs burn. And secondly, I have this theory that if you’re used to buffets, it’s hard to tahan (tolerate) eating the same dish all day, everyday. So better not open up that appetite.”

    — I agree with all of these…most of us are called to marriage, only a few are called to single blessedness 🙂

    Reply

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