春逗留于秋 Irreversible Autumn

Met a new acquaintance today who told me he’s never been in a relationship in his 48 years of life. I find that hard to believe. To have never felt love for close to half a century, and if we are to take the average lifespan of 80 years for a male, almost three-quarters of his life. I cannot comprehend that. I’m lucky that my heart has experienced great loves so far.

They are great not because of how I was treated, but what I choose to remember.

Somehow, our conversation reminded me of a haiku by the revered Japanese monk-poet, Ryōkan Taigu (良寛大愚). His death haiku to his close companion Teishu reads as follows :

裏を見せ 表を見せて 散る紅葉
うらを見せ おもてを見せて 散るもみじ

Of course I can’t understabd a word of that lah! But loosely, it’s translated as :

Now it reveals its hidden side
and now the other — thus it falls,
an autumn leaf.

To me, it meant that while we are young and attached to the tree of life, we show our best side, the surface that we want people to see us from. But as we approach death in the later life, we stop keeping up appearances and let what’s in our spirits go free. When a leaf falls, it shows both sides.

As we reach the eternal departure, nothing really matters any more and we finally have the courage to show everything, both sides, the beauty and the ugly, of our existence.

What if we have the guts to show all now? With the right person, autumn of the heart may never need to come. Or even if the fall was felt, we won’t be raking the fallen leaves alone.

Will both sides of my eventual fallen leaf be equally beautiful?

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scot
    Oct 10, 2011 @ 02:55:15

    wow, both a “heavy” and a lovely thought, making us think about what is important in a live.

    Reply

  2. Janet
    Oct 19, 2011 @ 17:00:06

    bro, beautifully written, though i kinda snorted aloud at “晚年,褐颜吓人“ =P
    我不用晚年就已经………….. =X hahahha

    Reply

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