Day 072 : Body Locked

“Grandma is in hospital,” my stepdad said over the phone. “She fell into a coma.” A sudden freeze ran down my spine. Other than my mum, my maternal grandmother is the other person closest to my heart. I come from a broken family and my por por (Cantonese for grandmother) was my solace during childhood and teenage years. I learnt what love is from her.

Growing up at a time where my birth father’s too busy gambling, getting drunk and beating up my mum, while mum was busy working two jobs when she wasn’t busy treating and hiding her wounds, grandma was my only escape route. I felt safe whenever she’s around. She loves to play mahjong. She loves siew yok (roast pork). She loves watching me eat the juiciest drumstick she’d save for me at dinner. She loves me.

But a stroke a long time ago, so long I could no longer remember the year, stole her affection from me. My family prayed very hard for her recovery and remained hopeful for many years, refusing to lose her to a vegetative state.

We lost.

She’s been bed-ridden for at least a dozen years. Locked in that slowly shrinking body, fading away. It pains me to see this once strong, stout and robust woman shrivel up before my eyes.

So after I recovered from my initial shock at receiving news of her hospitalisation, I quietly prayed to God to take her peacefully. Although I would miss her, I think it’s a release. And I prayed that when my time comes, may my departure be swift.

Grandma used to cry whenever I visited her after the stroke. But slowly, her tears dried up. So did her memory. Now she no longer recognises anyone from the family; and painfully, me. The doctor said she may have suffered a another minor stroke that caused her coma, but she came out of it.

Seeing her tonight, how frail she looked, I fought hard to hold back my tears. I was ready to let her go, but I guess she wasn’t ready to let us go yet…

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scot
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 03:17:08

    We are never ready to see our loved ones leave this life; just remember how special, safe and loved your grandmother made you feel and how now you know how to give those same feelings to others.

    Reply

  2. sueskorstad
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 03:35:19

    Sorry to hear about your grandmother. Mine is dying as I am writing now and I am unable to be there to support my mother. Fate made sure I ended up at the other end of the world.

    Reply

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