Day 157 : A Delivery of Sunshine

Had an unexpected visit by a friend during dinner time at my office. She brought me dinner and cooling tea because I’ve been working late and sleeping even later these few days. Such a thoughtful and kind gesture coming all the way to my rather inaccessible office in stilts with an injured back.

Needless to say, I was totally caught off guard and pleasantly surprised. But at the same time, I felt terribly awkward because when faced with such a grand display of generosity, I was at a lost of what to say or do as no words or action could appropriately return the size of the favour I was being shown.

I have been blessed to receive such acts of kindness here and there but I’d rather not have them. That’s because they throw into light the question of “what have I ever done to these people to deserve this?” And since I’m usually preoccupied with so many things, I’m incapable of big gestures in reciprocation. Guilt then sets in and an obligation starts growing to think or do something special back to them.

I am brought up in a way that if someone is nice to me, I will be nice back 10 times more. Problem is, I am no longer 18 with the luxury of time to think you elaborate thank you plans. By the end of the work day, I usually work some more. Or blog. Or try to defy aging. Or learn something. Or deal with the needs of my family. Fulfilling responsibilities leaves me with little time and energy to make an extra effort to return an act of kindness of such magnitude.

I’ve been told to just receive and accept without the need to do anything back; it’s a small thing that they’ve done and I need not think too much into the expensive gifts or special efforts. But my thoughts are not so much in what was given or done, but why. What’s the motivation? Someone can’t be doing something so nice for you without a reason. Else, the world would be a paradise!

So in my little way, returning a favour in equal or greater value is my remedy to unexpressed motivations so that friendships would not be in jeopardy and the other parties don’t feel like they have been taken advantage of. It’s a dicey situation to manage expectations whether the givers want to acknowledge the pressence of expectations or not. That’s why I prefer not to receive any special treatments so that I don’t have to crack my already cracked head to come up with something because that’s just how I am when I appreciate something from the bottom of my heart, and I don’t have to go into a spiral of wondering what’s the invisible motivation. It can’t be that I’m worthy as a friend coz I hardly have time to meet and am too stretched to do anything special for others. I don’t bother to do anything special for me even on my birthday.

Whatever it is, it’s wonderful to get surprises in the office or anywhere and to that, I’m very grateful to all the sunshines that have brightened up my life. Now to squeeze my brain to think of nice things in return… 🙂

A spot of sunshine in the office at 8pm with a peronal delivery of fish soup with rice, herbal tea and Three-Leg brand cooling water. Surprises brighten up a long and dreary day at work. Thanks for the warmth!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. spunktitud3
    Jun 10, 2012 @ 04:34:48

    Wow, what great friends you have! Since you tend to be nicer 10 times more, is your friend going to get 60 bottles of Three-Leg brand cooling water in return? hahaha :p

    Reply

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